Who am I?

Posted: March 2nd, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: My Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , | No Comments »

Many of the people who stop by here probably know me, and know that I am working on a book.  Some ask, “Hey, how’s that going? You’ve been working on that for some time.”

Honestly, I haven’t written in almost two months, for the book or this blog.  See, it’s a nonfiction, and in the course of writing, this line left my fingertips and found its way to my keyboard.  Maybe it left my heart and landed in my mind.

“Like a seed, my purpose is to die, so that He can produce life through me.”

I can’t get past it.

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Life has been crazy lately.  There’s so much going on , but at the same time, maybe nothing at all (if that makes any sense at all).  Beth (my wife) and I were talking last night, and it occurred to me, that I am not sure who I am anymore.

I know that I am more than what I do, but lately, even figuring that out is crazy.  I’m 31, and the 13th will be Beth and my tenth anniversary!  Maybe it’s just that.  At this milestone in my life,  I look backward to see what has been done, and what hasn’t, maybe a little of what could have been done.

Maybe that’s the problem: Me striving to be something.  Maybe that is where I am missing it and why I can’t move on from that sentence. It’s all the things I want to be; could be. Maybe that is where Jesus found himself in the Garden weeping to His Father.

Maybe it’s time to just let go of the control.  Maybe it’s time to lay there, stop trying to produce something with my life, and see what God can grow.

Sounds so easy, doesn’t it?

EDIT:

A little video by John Schlitt (and lyric in case you can’t handle his vocals, expressions, or the awful video.  Basically just close your eyes and listen):

Show Me The Way:

Living in this space of time
I have to wonder where I’m going
Just who I am, what I’m supposed to be

Searching for that certain sign
That points me in the right direction
The path to take, the one that’s right for me

Oh, choices will come my way, but which ones to choose?
Oh, can’t do it on my own, there’s too much to lose

Take me, guide me, lead me
I’m trusting in You, Lord
Teach me and show me the way
Break me, love me, forgive me
I’m asking of You, Lord
Take me and show me the way

Knowing if I stand alone
I could never see the way that is meant for me
The life that we could share

Learning lessons I must know
From the source who has the answers of life itself
the one who really cares

Oh, in life there’s so many turns, which way to go?
Oh, when You’re beside me, Lord, You’re in control

I know for me You have the perfect plan
I know You had it before time began
Don’t want to listen to what others say
Just show me the way