Bye-Bye Easter Eggs, Hello Spring Spheres?

Posted: April 15th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: My Thoughts, Random | 8 Comments »

I think most people are crazy, maybe because I think I am, but everyone knows ‘Merry Christmas’ offends some people because the word ‘Christ’ is in it, but how does ‘Easter Egg’ offend?  I don’t know, maybe we should ask the nuts at the Seattle school districts after they encouraged volunteers to refer to  Easter Eggs as, get this,  ‘Spring Spheres.’  Yeah, because that just rolls off the old tongue.

An article by The Star (article found here) got their information from an unnamed girl from an unnamed school, so we can only assume here, but heck, let’s ride this pony.  If we are going to start renaming every holiday with any religious or offensive reference, we have to be able to do better than ‘Happy Spring Sphere Day’ or some crap like that.

So, what do you suggest?  And it can be any holiday, and remember, the name can’t be offensive to anyone.  here are a few of mine:

St. Valentine’s Day = “buy my wife something nice so I can get lucky day”

Ash Wednesday = “recognize that I may have offended an unnamed, possibly non existent deity or other superior life form and tell him, her, or or it that I sincerely apologize day”

St. Patrick’s Day – “Buy your friend a Guinness Day”

Memorial Day – “Celebrate those who have died to protect freedoms we are currently throwing away day”

Independence Day – “Celebrate our rebellion day”

Labor Day – “celebrate that unions can opt out of Obamacare but no one else can day”

Thanksgiving – “Thanks for ‘giving’ us all this land day”

Christmas – “Happy baby Jesus day, who may or may not have been deity, and may or may not have died for your sins if you wanted him to and if you don’t well you get to buy your kids presents today anyway since our fore fathers thought it a significant enough date to give pretty much everyone in the country a couple days off for it day


And a funny note, nothing really came up when I Googled “spring spheres.”


  • Christina Zukas

    AGREE, AGREE, AGREE!!! What is this world coming too anyways. Can’t say Happy Easter, Meryy Christmas or even say the pledge of allegiance in most schools. All I can say is wow and then we wonder why most kids do not know the TRUE meaning of these holidays. Thank You to our wondwerful school systems for that.

  • Bill Taylor

    Great post, Moon!

  • justin

    Awesome! Here’s a few suggestions:

    christmas – parents fail to live up to kids expectations day!

    thasnkgiving – eat til you pass out and don’t have to deal with relatives day

    easter – lure obese kids to exercise with colorful spheres hunt day

  • Bill Taylor

    “Spring Spheres Sunday” – A day to take notice to eggs that give life and were sacrificed so we could color them, and arise to a furry bunny who sneaks in your house and leaves you a basket full of Chocolate.

    © 2011

  • Christopher Hopper

    I’m pretty offended that Frosty the Snow Man is associated with the holiday formally known as Christmas. So with all your re-naming of holiday’s, I’d like to rename Frosty:

    “Acceptably chilled androgynous non-sexed snow person who’s rights have been deemed equal to that of a human being’s by Bolivia and the UN and still has the ability to vote even if you sublimate into another state.”

  • C.R. Mooney

    hahaha! I love it! thanks everyone!

    side note for CH, what plugin do you use for comments? I cant get individual replies to show under each comment, they are showing as a new comment, like this one.

  • Reenie

    I am assuming this is a public school ….
    Did anyone forget the definition of egg shaped:egg-shaped   /ˈɛgˌʃeɪpt/ Show Spelled
    [eg-sheypt] Show IPA

    having an oval form, usually with one end larger than the other.
    Use egg shaped in a Sentence
    See images of egg shaped
    Search egg shaped on the Web

    Now contrast that to the Definition of Sphere : a round object that has equal distance from the center all the way around….or to get a little more technical an equal radius in all three dimensions.

    As far as renaming How about:
    Presidents Day – Go out and buy your wife some new furniture day . (Let’s not offend anyone by remembering two of our most honored and courageous leaders)….

    April fools day : The day we celebrate the 535 people who run our country…( that one was Jan’s )

    Groundhog Day : Celebration of the furry rodent who can tell the weather better than the men paid to do so day .

    Great Post Chris

  • C.R. Mooney

    those are great Reenie and Jan! The whole ‘politically correct’ movement just roasts me. It comes down to the fact that as a country, we are losing the common respect you are supposed to have for other’s opinions, knowing that you can’t possibly be right on every issue, and recognizing that some things are not worth the argument and replaced it with arrogance, and pander to me mentalities where people play the victim.

    Grow a spine people. No matter what you say or do, someone will disagree with you. It doesn’t mean they owe you an apology for it.